昨天跟朋友聊到過去，回憶起前陣子直播，在閒聊之中與網友分享自己的成長故事，竟被他們封為「史上最勵志主播」。認識我比較久的讀者們都還沒聽過這段故事呢，今天就來講這段第一名的人生。
第一名的人生雖然開始自國小，那時讀的是音樂班，在練鋼琴、小提琴、樂理、學業這些多種不同的領域中還懵懵懂懂，到了國中轉換跑道，突然間脫離舒適圈的不安讓我好像一下子長大許多，接連的挑戰都變得真實。
經過一些曲折的過程，我的成績是備取補上資優班，但因為晚同學們一個月入學，那時非常擔心自己跟不上，因此更加認真參與每一堂課，理化、數學、英文、國文，每一堂課預習與複習我真的都做好做滿，經過努力後在國中第一次嚐到第一名的滋味是這麼美妙。
上高中後由於同學媽媽放話「國中第一名的人常常到高中就鳥掉」，更加努力讀書，沒想到第一次段考就是全校第一名，高中三年沒有第一名的次數五根手指數得出來。那段時間的堅持和自律連現在的我都感到佩服，每天五點半起床唸書，讀書計畫也排得很仔細。
但其實很多人不知道的是那時的我為了維持全校第一名的頭銜，給自己很大的壓力，很怕讓老師、爸媽、甚至自己失望，同學們常稱呼我為「校一」，如果哪天我不是第一名了會多尷尬呢，這種現在想起很荒唐的擔憂在當時著實困擾著我。
回想這一段從國中到高中第一名的人生，那時壓抑了所有少女會想要的玩樂慾望，加上給自己的成績壓力，過得並不快樂，這也是為什麼在上了大學後完全走鐘，真正體驗生活後，才開始了解以前那些成績、虛有的名譽根本沒有什麼，沒人在意以前成績是好是壞，在大學以後都是重新開始。
第一名的人生就像泡沫一樣，幾乎沒有留下痕跡，偶爾還是可以在聊天時像個老兵一樣提提當年勇，但是這一段人生，讓我認識了能夠堅持、能夠全力以赴的那個自己，我知道自己是有韌性的，遇到了挫折也不會輕言放棄。
我一直覺得知道自己可以堅持是件很棒的事，可以為長程的目標做好計劃，一步一腳印地去完成，並且深信自己是做得到的！像是在待產期間雖然對自然產感到害怕，但做了好多運動與心理準備，最後生產過程非常順利記錄在這裡。
現在的我在實習醫師與部落客兩邊的忙碌之中，許多不是自己熟悉領域的挑戰都要一一勇敢面對，有時候雖然壓力有些崩潰，但在奮力工作時常會想起小時候那個認真的女孩，她珍惜每一次的學習機會，不像困難屈服的任性，現在更是一個媽媽了，怎麼能軟弱呢。
當媽媽以後，總是會與老公討論到怎麼教育孩子，我們希望他可以珍惜每個機會與擁有的資源，知道在成績名次頭銜都只是一時，會長久留下的才是自己真正能掌握的能力。
Sharing a lot about my current life in this blog, it suddenly occurred to me that I had not fully revealed stories of my childhood yet. You might have heard some of my stories when I talked about them on live broadcasts, and once I was amused by some feedback of my audience. Most of the audience couldn’t believe what I have been through. They even started naming me as ‘the most encouraging blogger.’
Dreaming about being a musician, I spent most of my childhood practicing and preparing for my music career. I mastered violin and piano, and practiced for 3-4 hours everyday. At the age of 10, the thought that maybe I was not cut out for a musician came to me, since I had been doing much better in music theory rather than playing instruments. By that time, I made up my mind to focus on my studies instead. Competes in the studies have always been intense in Taiwan, as most parents put lots of emphasis on their kids academy. Therefore, I wasn’t sure if I had made the right decision, and I had no choice but to spare no effort.
In high school, I woke up early every day at 5:30 am, to study, made detailed and organized study plans, completed every tasks available. There was barely entertainment or recreational activities in life, which was even harder for a teenage girl. Turning down social activities and maximizing study time was what I believed was the right thing to do. With my tons of hard work, I ranked first on the very first examination I took. And even more, I had been getting almost every first from any exam. Being a number one student gave me confidence around people. I often heard people saying that I was born gifted and nailed exams easily. However, in fact I was pretty stressed out. The thought of not ranking first bothered me a lot, for I worried if not ranking first would let my teachers or parents down. I couldn’t tolerate myself when being the second by that time.
Years after, it seems to be extremely ridiculous and unnecessary to be haunted by the thought of ‘ranking second on exams’. Those titles, no matter being compromised as a child prodigy or getting numerous first, mean nothing at all. When getting into college, how your grades were no longer matter. Your attitude, your characters are what really matter in your everyday life. My titles and fame in high school are like bubbles, they burst with no trace. However, I still got some valuable expereinces from my high school pursuit on studies. Understanding myself and having no fear facing difficulties is what I learned. I had no confidence on competing in the road of studies by the time I decided no to pursue a career of musician. Yet it surprised me when I did so well on my first exam, which truly encouraged me as my hardwork and disciplined life had paid off. I felt strength with knowing how to set goals and do things step by step to reach something big. It was an experience that gave me so much power.
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